Chapter -20Janani’s Life in 2017 – The Breaking Point

It was the year Janani’s voice began to fade.

Her phone was stolen — a simple incident that could happen to anyone —

but instead of concern, she was met with accusations.

Her parents thought she had given it to a “boyfriend.”

The phone wasn’t even hers — it was her sister’s.

But that didn’t matter.

That day, the focus wasn’t on her fear, but on her blame.

They shouted.

They slapped.

And somewhere in that noise, a part of Janani’s spirit broke quietly.

She thought,

> “If they don’t believe me for this,

how will they ever believe me for something bigger?”

That question buried itself deep in her heart —

and from then, Janani started carrying every pain alone.

🌫️ Her Father’s Illness – The Guilt That Silenced Her

Since her 12th grade, Janani watched her father suffer from a chronic bone disease.

She took care of him, supported her mother, and tried to stay strong —

but that very responsibility became her emotional cage.

She thought:

> “I can’t make them worry more.”

“If I tell them my problems, they’ll break.”

“I have to protect them, even if it hurts me.”

So she became the protector, not the protected.

That’s why — when life started attacking her emotionally,

she wore silence as her shield.

🌧️ The College Accusation – The Wound Reopened

When the email accusation happened in college,

and everyone misunderstood her again —

her mind went back to 2017.

To that same feeling:

> “They won’t believe me. They’ll just scold me.”

The body forgets pain, but the mind never forgets how it felt to be blamed when innocent.

That memory shaped her behavior — she froze, she avoided, she stayed quiet.

🧠 Psychological View: Why Janani Stayed Silent

From a trauma and psychology perspective:

Her trust system was damaged early.

When caregivers respond with blame during early distress, the brain learns “sharing = danger.”

So, even when new pain arises, the survival response is silence.

Fear conditioning:

Every time she remembered 2017, her mind replayed the same fear — of being shouted at, not believed, or punished.

So she avoided that outcome at any cost.

Caretaker guilt:

Children who grow up caring for sick parents often suppress their emotions, believing “My pain shouldn’t add to theirs.”

Janani carried that for years.

Emotional isolation:

She never found a safe space — home was worried, college was judgmental.

So she turned inward, overthinking and blaming herself for everything that went wrong.

🌼 What Janani Can Do Now

To bring light to her healing phase in your story — here’s what she can slowly learn or experience:

1. Realize that silence doesn’t equal strength.

Her healing begins the day she says, “I deserved to be heard.”

2. Find a safe listener — counselor, mentor, or friend.

Someone neutral who won’t judge or blame her story.

This can help her unload the emotional weight she’s been carrying since 2017

3. Rebuild trust with small steps.

She doesn’t have to tell everything to her parents —

maybe just start with feelings like, “Sometimes I felt scared when I was misunderstood.”

Gradually, that opens their eyes.

4. Shift from guilt to self-compassion.

She needs to understand: Taking care of others doesn’t mean abandoning yourself.

5. Journaling or therapy reflection

Writing down everything she couldn’t say helps rewire her memory from pain → release

🌺 From an Ayurvedic Emotional View

In Ayurveda, emotional trauma affects Manovaha Srotas (the mental channels).

Janani’s repeated stress and unspoken sorrow could lead to Vata imbalance — showing as anxiety, overthinking, loneliness, and guilt.

To balance:

Warm, grounding foods (moong dal, ghee, milk with nutmeg).

Regular abhyanga (oil massage) with sesame oil.

Evening self-talk or meditation — to calm “chanchala vata” (restless mind).